By Andy, founder
When the children have grown up, moved out or moved on, the house can feel very quiet. For a lot of people that's the moment they start thinking about meeting someone new...and then wondering what the kids will make of it. Whether yours live round the corner in Aberdeen or on the other side of the world, here's my advice for dating at this stage of life.
You don't need their permission
Adult children love you and want you to be happy, but this is your life. It's natural to care what they think, and it's kind to be thoughtful about how you tell them. That isn't the same as asking for their approval. You're allowed to make this decision for yourself.
When to tell them
There's no rule. Some people mention it over Sunday dinner the week they create a profile. Others wait until there's someone worth talking about. A few things that help:
- Tell them before someone else does. In a small Aberdeenshire town, word gets around quickly.
- Keep it light at first. "I've been on a couple of coffee dates" is much less of an announcement than "I've met someone."
- Pick a calm moment. A family birthday or Christmas dinner is not the time.
- Tell them yourself if they live far away. A phone or video call beats a text, so they can hear that you're happy.
Expect mixed feelings
Reactions vary. Some children cheer you on, some go quiet, and some ask more questions than you'd like. If you've been through a divorce or lost a partner, they may feel protective of their other parent, or simply worry that you'll get hurt. Give them time. A cool first reaction often warms up once they see you smiling again. My post on dating again after divorce or losing a partner goes into this a bit more.
Introducing someone new
There's no prize for speed here. When the time does come:
- Wait until it feels settled. Not after the second date.
- Keep the first meeting short and low key. A walk in Duthie Park or a coffee in town is easier for everyone than a big family dinner.
- Talk beforehand. Let your partner know about any sensitive subjects, and let your children know a little about them too.
- Don't expect instant friendship. Polite and friendly is a very good start.
Fitting it in around family life
Life at this stage is often full: grandchildren to mind, parents to look after, work, the dog. Be open in your profile and early chats about what your week really looks like. Someone at a similar stage will understand, and it saves misunderstandings later when you can't make a Saturday because you're on babysitting duty.
Look after yourself first
Whatever the family thinks, the usual good habits still apply. Meet somewhere public, make your own way there and let someone know where you'll be. Telling one of your children where you're going is a nice way to bring them in without making a big thing of it. My guide to dating safely has more, and if you need a place to start, try my first date ideas in Aberdeen.
Meeting someone new later in life is exciting, and the people who love you will usually come round once they see you're happy. I started Go Aberdeen Dating so people across the North East could do exactly that, at their own pace...which is the best advice I can give.
- family
- dating advice
- aberdeen
